| Earlier this month, there was really heavy snow everywhere still on the ground. Ross and I were dumb and decided to drive down this alley behind Subway, which looked pretty smooth and had some tire tracks made in it. But apparently the tire tracks were from before the most recent snow, because there was snow filling in impossibly large holes and dips in the road made from packed ice and snow. So you know, it looked smooth, but only when our front wheels came to rest at the bottom of a huge dip did we realize how bad it was. We tried to dig the car out for over an hour (not my brilliant idea), the temperature well into the teens I'm sure, and then finally gave up and went into Subway to use the phone book to call a tow truck. Called around until we found one that said they'd do it for forty bucks and be there in half an hour. TWO HOURS later, the tow truck shows up. We pack up our stuff quickly and show him where our car is stuck. Right before we're about to get out of his truck to help get it out of there, he tells us it may cost as much as a HUNDRED dollars. Haha, ahem. Anyway, I got kinda mad. We got the car unstuck, and the guy only charged us seventy five, but that's still a whole lot for us. But this isn't the point of the story!! Nope, cause when we got home (hours after we'd gotten off of work, still in our work clothes) I realized I didn't know where my phone was, and I haven't seen it since. The last time I saw it was on the table at Subway waiting for the tow truck, when we turned it off because it was low on batteries. So what I'm trying to say is that I don't have a phone. I haven't really told anybody or changed my voicemail because I kept expecting it to turn up, but there it is. I lost my phone. So if anybody needs to contact me either call Ross or use the internet!
On a happier note . . .
I had the pleasure of seeing this guy live last year here in Lincoln, and he was AMAZING. The kind of concert where people are actually dancing, instead of just standing there bobbing their heads. Well he's coming back on February first, anybody wanna go with me?? It's at 9pm, eight dollars. Also I think he's playing the night before at a town really nearby if that works better for you. It's really not like anything I've ever seen before (not that I see that many shows). He's got a soundboard down at his feet, and he sort of lays down a beat first, and then loops it and layers different things over it. It's really cool, come with me! Here's his website, if you want to further check it out. | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| I never understood why people got so stressed about the holidays. Unless you're having a bunch of family to your house and a big fancy dinner I always thought it was a bit hyped up. But this year, I understand.
I think what mainly did it was that someone just got fired at Subway - someone who had a ton of hours. Ross and I were there the day after it happened and so we were able to take a bunch of his hours so that we were working double shifts a lot of days (working 11-3, say, and then coming back 5-8 or 5-close). We can do this normally and it's not such a big deal, but I had no idea how much other stuff we would have to squeeze in at the same time because it's almost Christmas. All the time that hasn't been taken up working is used Christmas shopping, to such an extent that our house is a mess, there's food rotting in the fridge, we haven't been cooking/eating well, we haven't even decorated the tree! And all the Christmas shopping still isn't done . . . Add to this that I have a video editing project for my dad that I've had to keep pushing back to make time for work and shopping and what little bit of cleaning I can spare so as to not drive myself completely insane with trying to wrap presents in a messy house. We still need to get something for Ross's dad, his sister, and my dad (though I think I'm doing that one in Kansas). And he and I still have a little shopping to do for each other. That's a lot for two days! And my poor tree is sitting there with about a quarter of its lights on . . .
So those are the direct consequences of working way too much right before Christmas, but there are indirect consequences too. For instance: I usually consider myself really good at choosing presents, but I've been having a tough time finding things for Ross this year. I blame a bad ratio of Christmas stress to Christmas cheer, because I usually find gift shopping really fun, but this year every time I go out to find something for him I'm in stress mode. It's like, labored present shopping. Which sucks. Also I'm afraid my babies are going to turn into juvenile delinquents because we're never home with them! We usually never have to make an effort to spend quality time with them because we just have enough free time that it happens anyway. But I think they've been missing us since we've been gone all day and all night recently - and I've certainly been missing them! I did finally play with them for a while this morning and gave them some treats though, and that was good. In fact Sheena is climbing into my lap right now! And of course we haven't had as much time for each other either, and having less time to relax reflects in our interactions, and everything else for that matter.
Not to mention the thousand small things that have fallen through, like making a Christmas mix cd, or taking time to enjoy the holiday season in general. (Though several cups of hot cider have boosted that last one!) That and I'm constantly forgetting random things (like bringing presents to a friend at work) just because I have so much to remember right now. And PMSing.
And in the midst of all this, the carafe to our coffee pot broke! So we've been drinking bad Subway coffee, expensive coffee shop coffee, and homemade espresso. Waah.
So then last night was supposed to be the last shift we had to work until after Christmas. This way we would have time to catch up on some things before we leave for Kansas tomorrow morning. But then after we got off when we were sitting eating a sub, the phone rings. Jojo is sick, needs someone to work for him this morning. Of course no one else can do it (or maybe just no one else cares). So Ross had to go back to work at ten this morning! Gah. Poor Ross.
I've been trying really hard not to let it get to me too much, and I think I've been doing reasonably well. It's just that I've always been sort of morally opposed to getting too stressed about the holidays. And I do think everything will come together okay, I'm just sad not to have had more time to actually enjoy the Christmas season.
And now this snowstorm is coming, and I'm not even sure if we're going to be able to be with our families over Christmas! That's probably the worst part of all. It would be so sad to be stuck here and not to get to see family on Christmas. Or we might have to leave tonight, and not get to open our presents to each other till after we get back, and leave the kitties for FIVE DAYS!
Anyway, other than that things are good here, especially with a warm lovey kitty curled up in my lap. I think I'll go have another cup of cider and see if I can't get that tree lit up by the time Ross gets home. Merry Christmas to everybody if I don't see you until then! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Pffr, the creators of Wonder Showzen, also make music:
Neither did I, but I'm glad I do now! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | The Adventures of Nick Danger - Firesign Theatre | | Subject: | a little catching up to do | | Time: | 10:49 am | | Current Mood: |  contemplative |
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| It was so cold this morning! I finally got out my slippers from where I'd carefully stowed them for just such a morning. The first slipper morning of the season! Where has the summer gone . . .
We've been working a lot recently, for a change. Covering a lot of people's shifts at short notice. We got fifty hours in the last two week pay period, which would have made our paychecks very excellent, except for the fifty dollars that was taken out of one of them! This was due to a night that I was closing and Ross wasn't, and I called him to have him lead me through paperwork. Apparently I called on the store phone (oops), and Ross's number is long distance. But yesterday Ross drove the ice cream truck (for the first time in about a month!) and earned sixty dollars, so it all works out I guess.
A couple days ago we went to the beautiful Eugene T. Mahoney State Park. In Kansas state parking had been one of our favorite pastimes, but we'd never been to one in Nebraska, mainly out of protest of the four dollar fee for entrance. But we finally broke down and went and I'm so glad we did! As soon as I saw how great a park it was, full of activities and wilderness and so well-maintained, I was glad to have paid the four dollars. We went romping around, swung on the swings, and laid in the grass. It's funny to feel like you can't be really sane unless you spend some time in nature. I'd never noticed when I lived in Topeka, because nature was so easy to come by. But now I live in the city, which is exciting in its own way, but I do need excursions - probably oftener even than I have them now. Maybe it's being born in Kansas, but there's something about the prairie. I can sit in the tall grass and be still, and it's like meditating. There's something about it that resonates with something in me, a deep stillness, and I can look at the plants and look at the sky and not think, and it's like a great clearing of my mind.
Speaking of meditating, we've been a few times to the Zen temple in town. I really like it, and I'm glad to say that Ross does too. We've even tried meditating at home some, which is harder. We haven't been since we've been working just about every night, but I know we'll be back.
Also, the State Fair is in town! I am so going. Livestock, chainsaw carving, country music concerts, carnies, funnel cake. What could be better?
There's a program in Lincoln called Community CROPS, which has several community gardens around the city and they teach low-income families how to garden and grow their own produce. I probably would've signed up (to learn, not to teach!) if I'd heard about it in time. But I learned just recently that they have a farmer's market, and it's the only one in town that accepts food stamps. So we went the other day on our way back from the park, and that night I made a delicious fresh, local salad! There's something sort of religious to me about salad-making, especially with vegetables I can respect. Preparing a concoction of raw plants to eat . . . I don't know. Anyway, it was really interesting. I put peppers in it, which I'd never done before, which gave it incredible pungency.
Another exciting thing in the near future, we're going to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. We have had several failed attempts at volunteering in the last year or two, but I have a good feeling about this one. We went to the office to ask about it, and the lady just gave us a page of information and the number to call to find out where they are going to be working. They work Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays from 8am to 4pm, and you don't have to sign up or even fill out a volunteer form. You just show up, sign in, and they teach you! My kind of place. You don't have to be there the whole time either, if you have something else you need to do. I figure we'll stay the whole time often, though, because we don't usually work until five. I'm excited to contribute to the community in such a tangible way before we leave, and I'm also looking forward to learning a skill! Construction seems like such a basic, useful skill to have. It will be good to do some hard, hands-on work.
Oh, and I almost forgot, my awesome new phone! Our 2-year contract was up, and my wonderful parents got me a phone as an early birthday present. It's got a touchscreen and everything, and can get online, which amuses me to no end, and is actually also very useful when you need to look something up. And it's got a music player, which rules because I have lost/broken/gotten stolen every mp3 player I've had/touched. But not this one! And so yesterday we drove our boss's ice cream truck which has a great speaker hooked up to the a/c outlet, and we were able to listen to our music as we drove! So cool . . .
Whew, I think that's about it for now. Other than the fact that I'm going to finally remember to listen to Paul on KJHK tonight! Midnight to two - everyone should listen and call in with annoying requests to play Boom Boom Pow or Lady GaGa or something. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 02:59 pm | | Current Mood: | contemplative |
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| Day off! Everything went great with Ross's tongue, by the way. It wasn't as painful as he thought it would be, the recovery isn't as bad as either of us thought it would be, and it's really going great. A little swollen, but he's talking normally and eating almost normally. I mean, he was even talking normally and stuff the night of. So it's really a blessing.
My head is shaved, too, but that's for another post. Right now I don't have much time, but I do want to post a little about what I hesitate to call my research, more my looking-up. I've noticed that a lot of the music I listen to (not a large portion of the music I like, but the stuff I listen to frequently) has "pop" in the genre. Alt-pop, psych-pop, something pop. Noticing this made me curious about pop as a genre, and the influence it has had on other styles of music. I did a little reading this morning, and I'm not nearly done, but I thought I should post about what I learned so I don't forget it.
( Pop Music ) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | hey mr dj i thought you said we had a deal! - tmbg | | Current Location: | home | | Subject: | change! | | Time: | 11:39 am | | Current Mood: |  anxious |
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| | Crunch time. Here's what's up: Ross is getting his TONGUE SPLIT on Tuesday! My parents are visiting us on Thursday, so I had to let them know in advance that Ross will be healing at that time. So they called him yesterday (the old double-parent phone call) to speak their concerns or something, and my dad convinced Ross to go ahead and tell his parents beforehand (we weren't going to in the first place just to save them some pre-procedure worry). So he has to call his dad and tell him today, which will be tough. In about ten minutes we have to leave and go buy a wig, because I'm SHAVING MY HEAD tomorrow, and the store to buy them isn't open on Sunday. In about two seconds, I have to call my boss at Subway and ask him if he wants me to wear wigs at work. Then at 12:30 we go to drive the ice cream truck, until 3:30 when I go to Subway and work until almost 11:00, while Ross drives the truck until 10 or so. Tomorrow we work 10-2, then I shave my head, then we pack for KC. Monday we wake up and go to KC to stay with Ross's grieving parents (we scheduled the trip before we knew we'd be telling them) and do some yard work so that we make sure to have enough money to pay rent/tongue splitting/gas bill/electric bill/late car registration ticket. Then Tuesday is the day of the splitting, and we're staying with Toni and Mattie that night. Whew! Just thought I should record for posterity this pivotal moment right before we embark and set all of this into motion. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next few days, especially that Ross's procedure goes smoothly! Hopefully sometime in all this crazy I'll be able to post pictures of my baldness and stuff! | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Welcome Home Baby - The Shirelles | | Subject: | happenings | | Time: | 10:39 am | | Current Mood: |  cheerful |
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| It seems like we've been really busy lately. We worked for a lot of days in a row, and then we hosted someone from couchsurfing for a couple days and nights (thanks to Suzy for telling me about that site, by the way, we've met some cool people and been able to help them out), then it was Fourth of July and we drove our ice cream truck from noon to midnight (!) and only sold $194 in ice cream. And in the middle of all that I have a video editing project I've been working on for my dad, which is . . . I wouldn't say the boringest thing in the world, but it does come close. It's for the Virginia Cardiac Surgeons Quality Initiative program, so there's a lot of talking about red blood cell transfusion and atrial fibrillation. So I haven't had much time for study and research on my own yet.
One thing I have learned, however, is that city parks in small towns often offer free camping. After the fourth and everything we were so exhausted and stressed that we really needed to relax in nature for a little bit, so we picked up and drove out to Stromsburg, the "Swede Capitol of Nebraska", and stayed a night at the lovely Buckley Park. It was really a great trip, so relaxing, AND we got to try out our new tent! My parents bought this fancy eight-man tent for their trip to Yellowstone last summer, and while there decided never to go tent camping again. So we have this tent now, and it rules. I mean, eight men in that tent would have to be pretty comfortable with each other, but for two people it's really quite luxurious.
So that's what's been up lately, and why I haven't been posting my attempts at studying, and now I have to go work on the video project and then drive an ice cream truck! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Wu-Tang | | Time: | 10:04 am | | Current Mood: |  excited |
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| I don't think I know very much. In terms of book learning as well as how-the-world-works kind of stuff. It's embarrassing sometimes to admit how little I know of how things go. Part of it may be setting out in the "adult world" without too much preparation, though it didn't seem like staying another four years in college would've prepared me for it very well either. Maybe I'm just not observant enough, on that front. As far as book learning - learning facts, information, I do read. But I read a book, or part of a book, and I'm really interested, and in another week and a half I've forgotten nearly everything I learned. When I left school, my plan was to educate myself. I believe this is very possible, but I don't know of any very good resources for unbiased, accurate information. In other words, I didn't have a game plan. So, two and a half years later . . . I've definitely learned some things, and a lot of things about myself and about relationships and how to live (and I've got a lot more to learn there too!). But I've spent a lot of time learning about, well, video games, and what's the best kind of frozen pizza, and dumb movies. Not to say that I believe any of this time was wasted exactly, but it sort of hit home the other day when I had a strange experience.
First I should say, I don't hang out with a whole lot of people. Ross and I spend a lot of time together, and we have friends, and people we go see, but not very much. And I've noticed it getting harder and harder to interact with new people. I would say that I'm the shyest at this point in my life than I've ever found myself. I don't feel like a shy person, but I don't know how else to describe it. I just don't have that much to say to people. Or something. Anyway, the other night we were hanging out with this really cool guy. He's from Zimbabwe and he works at our local video game store. His passions are bicycles and beer, both of which he'll talk with you about to no end. He's very open and friendly, very in touch with himself spiritually. Since coming to the U.S. he's married, and lives in a beautiful little house with his wife and two dogs. He loves to teach and has a tendency to ramble and explain things overly thoroughly. Earlier that day, we'd been trying to get Ross's bike tire fixed (it was flat). The bike shop we go to was closed all day Sunday, so we stopped in at the video game store, knowing that a lot of the guys there are into bikes, to ask if there was an open bike shop anywhere near. Kupo was there, and he said to bring it to the back. He looked at it and showed us where the tube had torn away from the valve, and said it couldn't be patched - that we needed a new tube. I won't bore you with a description of the long events that followed while we tried (unsuccessfully) to get a new tube, but basically later that night we brought Ross's bike to Kupo's house to learn how to put the tire on, adjust the brakes, and tune it up or whatever. Maybe it was that the tone got set of him teaching us things, because it was really weird.
He obviously knows more than us, he's a little older, has traveled far more extensively, and has good resources for information. But it was like, because we were asking him questions about things, and probably more because we were kind of quiet and shy, he assumed we didn't know anything. Not that he'd be very far off assuming that about facts/information kind of stuff, but his attitude seemed like that of someone mentoring two beginners in the field of life and thoughts. Not that I was treated disrespectfully at all, but he'd just say things like, "I hope you're not the kind of people that think all republicans are stupid and all democrats are smart, or vice-versa," and, "It's important to look up information for yourself, and not just take people's word for it." It was the first time that I realized that, by being quiet and not stating explicitly what I believe and know, I might be judged as not knowing anything about life. Not knowing about facts gives off that impression too. I just feel like so many times people state their beliefs, and to me it's like there's not even anything to say about it because it's such a given. I don't know what to say when people say things like, "You really can't trust mainstream media at all, it's so biased and bought-out," and I'm like, "Yeah . . . I know." Or when this asshole "hippie" at work who only dates preppy blondes says, "Money's so terrible, wouldn't it be better if we could just go back to the barter system like the good old days?" as if he's the first one to bring it up. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to know what I know, believe what I believe, and take it from there. I don't want to have to state everything I believe over and over for the benefit of others knowing where I'm coming from. But maybe I have to? I never realized I was perceived as a person with no beliefs just because I'm reticent to state them. I'd rather assume everyone involved knows all that stuff already and go on to talk about . . . puppies. Or paper. Or stars, or childhood, or lamps, or hot-air balloons. Or even how to solve all these problems in the world that everyone knows exist.
Knowing the fundamentals - love, grace, beauty, faith, perception, compassion, etc., has nothing to do with learning facts. But I would love to know more about the world! I would love to know more information. And I can't help feeling like if I knew more information, I wouldn't have to explicitly state my beliefs all the time for people to know that I know what's up (the fundamentals). So the point of this long meandering post is that I want to start learning more! And I'm going to use livejournal to help! I think one problem with remembering things is just not having a place to write it down. To take it in, and then to interpret it and write it back out. So I'm going to go on a much more active quest to find good sources of information, and as I learn, I'll post it here. This is more for myself than anything, so don't feel like you have to read it. If I have anything real to say I'll say it here, and then all the information and stuff will go under the cut. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | slick rick tha ruler | | Subject: | consequences | | Time: | 11:06 am | | Current Mood: | optimistic |
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| I am perpetually living the consequences of my actions. Which is a funny(good?) thing to notice. People say that that's how you learn from your mistakes, and I would like to add that it's also how you can discover whether or not it's worth it.
What I mean is, there are lots of things that I do that make things more complicated/difficult in the future, but, experiencing the consequences, I have no regrets. Whether or not I would do it differently if given the chance to redo it (which believe me is not usually the case), it's like, that's what I did, and at least I did something. Very empowering.
That being said:
1. we are doing Spring Cleaning this weekend! I would post before and after pictures but it would be way too embarrassing. This place is a mess! And of course we picked the weekend of the Great Spring Blizzard, or so I've been told. Hard to do Spring Cleaning, knowing in your heart that it is April, but it feels like February.
2. we are completely broke! Just used the last of our money on milk and ground beef, and I wish I could say that the first of it was spent just as wisely! Haha.
3. we are going to be ice cream truck drivers! I am excited and scared. This was a good decision? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I don't know about Kansas, but in Nebraska we got maybe four or five inches of snow yesterday. The several days before that, though, were beautiful, like cool spring days. Ross and I are considering selling our car (because we can't afford insurance), so a couple days ago we got out the ol' bikes. If we sold it we would look for mopeds to buy (real mopeds, the kind with pedals that you don't have to insure), but just to practice (and in order to "be aware of ourselves on two wheels" as my mom most worriedly put it) we decided to bike.
As I struggled down the stairs lugging my bike, I noticed that the wheel was crooked. When the handlebars faced forward, the front wheel was 45 degrees or so to the left. Luckily Ross carried it down and fixed it, and we were ready to go. I wish that I could post a picture of how I looked. I was wearing my mom's old tan leather jacket, in which about three of me could fit. Also, since safety is always a priority, we had our helmets. Unfortunately, my helmet is a sparkly purple one I got when I was eleven or so, and as such is way too small for me now. Add bulky dreadlocks, and Ross said it looked like a purple leech trying to attach itself to the top of my head. We ended up trading helmets, because his is slightly bigger, but it seemed like no helmet could really accommodate my hair. But it was better than nothing, and so it seemed like we would be on our way, my helmet perched on the top of my head. Apparently, though, in all the bustle, my gears had been switched up really high. I realized, watching Ross start off out of the driveway onto the street (everybody bikes in Lincoln, and most do it on the street), on his slick red street bike, that he knows how to live in a neighborhood. There I was on my bulky green mountain bike, becoming aware that I needed yards and yards of open space in front of and around me in order to start. I rolled down the slope of the driveway but couldn't get going fast enough to change the gears, so I ground to a stop. A car came up behind me, and I dismounted and carried my bike to the sidewalk, yelling towards Ross, "Fix it!" He did, and I got on again. We decided to take the sidewalk for now.
As I made my wobbly way down the sidewalk, other problems with my bike became apparent. First, the seat is up really high, which makes it difficult to stop and rest. And even though the seat's so high, the handlebars are really low, so I'm hunched over and feeling silly. The other problem was that as I rode I clearly heard a 'Squeek, squeek, squeek' from underneath. My tires, neglected for several years, were almost completely flat. Add to this the obvious fact that I was far from comfortable on a bike, and I think I made quite a picture, weaving down the sidewalk, hunched over and squeeking, dwarfed in my coat with a little helmet stuck on top of my head.
We biked around a little to get our (my) bearings, and headed towards our local coffee shop, knowing that there would be someone there who could tell us where to get bike tires pumped. We were directed to a gas station, and then, exhausted (me), we went home.
It turns out, though, that the tires being flat was a lot of my problem (at least part of the reason it was so exhausting), because the way back was a lot of fun. So we went out again the next day! We planned to bike around downtown and go to the bike shop and get an adapter for Ross's bike so he could fill his tires. However, in downtown Lincoln it's illegal to bike on the sidewalk, so we had to venture out into the road. It's funny to bike around places where you've driven a lot before, because everything becomes a lot less ignorable. Which can be nice on such a beautiful day. I loved riding around, actually, until it came to starting up again after a red light. I'm still not that great at getting started, as the cars behind me could tell. Every time the light turned green I let out my breath, scooted unceremoniously forward a couple feet, and give a little push on one of the pedals, taking my other foot off the ground. And it was a little miracle every time the other pedal came soaring around to meet my bumbling, groping foot. And I was off! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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Lad's Gal is all he has, Gal's gladness hangs upon the love of Lad . . . Baby wait, I didn't mean to say nightmare!
The better a singer's voice, the harder it is to believe what they're saying.
Winter in the far reaches of the North seems not so bad. For a while there it was pretty unbelievably cold, but it hasn't been nearly as snowy/icy as last year in Kansas. AND I have an indoor job this winter, so I'm not feeling it nearly as much. Mostly we're just incredibly poor. We don't get enough hours at Subway, so in order to keep our food stamps we have to get a second job. I'd like to work somewhere that really interests/motivates/fulfills me, which is hard because non-profit kinds of places don't usually advertise in the newspaper, or in big signs out front. So today I'm going to apply at some battered women's shelters and a grocery co-op. However, it's kind of annoying when you tell interesting people that you work at Subway and then you feel judged or something. You really can learn some things from it, in the way that you can learn from anything if your eyes are open. It's interesting to see how different people interact with their kids, for instance - especially in public. Or it's funny to see which people treat you like a human and which ones treat you like a role. Or even just how they interact with strangers. People are insane, I can tell you that much. It's really a wonder any of us survive at all. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Location: | the library | | Time: | 12:00 pm | | Current Mood: | optimistic |
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| Once again, almost five months have passed so quickly that this is the first time I've actually sat down and counted them. I would like, as much for myself as anything else, to write out a picture of where I am now.
Things that are again: Again, I am unemployed. I just came from an interview with Valeo, a behavioral health care center in town. It sounds like a good job, and I felt like the interview went well. Again, I am impoverished. But that's okay, for now. Again, my computer is broken; or more accurately the power cord is dead, so I haven't been able to get on the internet, as I am nowhere near being able to afford one. Not that I could get on much if I had a power supply, as I am nowhere near being able to afford the internet. And so I remain mostly out of touch with the world (only not the world really, just the people in it), which I have found to be a very interesting lifestyle. (I am no longer capable of "personal development in the fast lane", in my dad's words, which has been mostly just fine with me.)
Things that are still: Still, I love Ross. We just celebrated our one year anniversary by making a trip down to Lucas, Kansas. We camped at a nearby lake on Saturday night, and wandered around the small town on Sunday. When you're around someone more than you're not around them, it begins to feel stranger to be alone than together. Still, my life is unglamorous, not particualarly fast-paced or slow-paced, but rather paceless. Not in a bad way, as I tend to view life as less directional and more experiential. Still, I struggle between my desire to be a more put-together person and my huge distaste for pettiness. Still, I struggle against general frail health (I believe).
Things that have changed: I'm living in a house in Topeka with Ross and two kittens. (I am not married to any of them, but of the three, Ross is the only one who's met any negative reactions over it). This has been my favorite living situation of my life. Ross is going to Emporia (he commutes, but he only goes three days a week) to study glass blowing (and other general art), which he has been enjoying far more than KU. I'm thinking lots of thoughts (I include this in the section on changes not because there has ever been a time in which I have succeeded in not thinking, but simply because those thoughts are, thankfully, always changing). Right now I'm thinking a lot about perspective and perception. The weather in changing, as well, which always makes me feel like changing. The earth has a much better memory than I do, because in the middle of summer I always forget the fall and how it makes me feel. But now I've been reminded, and it's encouraging me to be more active. Currently I'm reading The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley, as well as the seventh Harry Potter book (so don't ruin it for me!!), neither of which I can put down, which is difficult.
There are so many things that it's sometimes hard to cope, let alone write them all out here, and I'm sure there's lots I've left out. But my Personal Session Manager reminds me that I only have fifteen minutes left, so this will have to be an accurate picture of my life right now. I hope you're happy, or at least pleased, and I'd love to hear what you have to say for yourself (my phone number is still the same). | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | She Shook Me Cold - David Bowie | | Current Location: | my apartment | | Time: | 09:17 am | | Current Mood: |  weird |
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| Anyone know where I can get astronaut ice cream? I really want some of that stuff.
It felt like I had a lot to say here, seeing as I haven't really updated in over a month, I think. But then I realized that maybe I had a lot to say if I hadn't updated in a couple days, but it's not that much at all for a month. My life is pretty slow-paced. I'm still not working, quite. I have a job lined up to start on May 7th, where I'll be working at a call center type of thing, answering people's questions about student loans. And since it has to do with the government and everything, I had to be fingerprinted! It sounds somewhat dumb, I know, and it's a long time to wait, but it pays 12.31 an hour, so I'm sure you understand.
In order to pay my rent this month, Ross and I have been doing incredible amounts of yard work. His parents have been paying us ten dollars an hour per person to do the seemingly unending yardwork at his house, which is nice. And now my parents are cashing in on it, and are doing to same thing. (And the work at my parents' house is much easier, for some reason, so we can work even longer there.)
Even more excitingly, I got a plot at the community garden! The guy that runs the garden says it's the best plot in the whole place. The lady that came to give me the key to the shed and show me how the water works told me that this wild plant growing in my plot on its own is edible, so I took some home and steamed it, and it was great! I love things like that. I think I'll grow several herbs, like basil, yarrow, chives, and maybe some others. Also, I want to grow tomatoes and maybe lettuce, and some sunflowers.
I found this thrift store that's probably a ten minute or less walk away from my apartment, and it's amazing! The other day, I got a skirt and shirt for a dollar each, and then another day I got a purse and two terracotta pots, all for a dollar. I don't think I'll ever buy clothes anywhere else. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | "This new world was too painful to cope with. He had tried so hard. He had kept to his routines. He had counted so carefuly. He had abided by the rules but life had cheated. This world was not like the world of his stories. In that world, good was rewarded and evil was punished. If you kept to the path and stayed out of the forest, then you would be safe. If someone was sick, like the old king in one of the tales, then his sons could be sent out into the world to seek the remedy, the Water of Life, and if just one of them was brave enough and true enough, then the king's lfe could be saved. David had been brave. His mother had been braver sitll. In the end, bravery had not been enough." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Twisted - Joni Mitchell | | Current Location: | my apartment | | Time: | 02:23 pm |
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| I had such lofty plans for today. But I'll tell you why I can't do anything, and I'm sure you'll understand: My apartment has recently become infested with ants! I am horrified, they are unstoppable, and this prevents me from being motivated to do anything at all (except play a ton of SSX Tricky). Also, I'm just overwhelmed. I was going to go jogging, but my stomache hurts. I'll make a list of things I have to do, and that will make me feel better.
Pay electric bill!! (<--- important)
Call Merc about application
Take a shower
Clean so the nasty ants will leave
It's not even that my apartment is that dirty. Before Ross came back Thursday, I cleaned everything. I mean, I was down on all fours cleaning the floors with a sponge. And things can't get that dirty in a few days, after being so clean. The whole reason the ants are here in the first place is that my honey has a leak in it, and it was sitting on the window sill. So now I'm just overwhelmed and under-motivated. (Also, I've just remembered that I've forgotten to eat or drink anything today, which may have somthing to do with it.) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I'd planned to make a really whiny post this morning (which I probably still will, so don't worry), but suddenly I feel a lot better. This has a lot to do with a combination of ibuprofen, decongestant, water, toast, tea, and The Shins. So I'm afraid, though the content may be similar to the original idea, much of the bitter tone of this post could be missing. I apologize for this, as I know how everyone loves to hear me complain.
I learned the other day that Ross will not be back Wednesday night as we'd thought, but Thursday night. It's only a day's difference, but it feels significant. This is because Wednesday seems like the middle of the week, you know? Not too far in. But Thursday seems almost at the end of the week. When it's Thursday, it's almost Friday, and that is the end of the week. Bah.
Also, I'm sick. It's only a cold, but it's enough for me to feel really sorry for myself, especially while sitting alone in my apartment. I have that awful stuffy head/nose feeling, as well as a gross cough. Last night I had to go to sleep breathing through my mouth, which I never like doing. And when I woke up I had a throbbing pressure headache. I tried the trick you do when you're on an airplane, where you hold your nose and close your mouth and try to blow out, but instead of relieving the pressure, my ears went phop!, and got all clogged and weird. I don't know how that trick worked in reverse, but it did, and my ears were left ten times worse than before. I could hear the blood rushing in my head, and every time I did something to try and help, it just made it worse. But, while looking for q-tips I found a tiny bottle of ibuprofen, praised the heavens, and promptly took several. I took a decongestant, too, and drank some water, and already my ears were starting to ease up (about time, too, it'd been like half an hour, and it felt funny to move around).
On a happier note, my dad got me a toaster! It's a really nice one, and it made the most perfect toast this morning. There aren't many things more pleasant in this world than perfect toast. (Well worth the portion of my fingerprints that I accidentally burned off when I touched the metal part of the toaster that says 'Caution - Hot'.)
Though my parents were so opposed to helping me in any way towards getting an apartment and moving out, now that I'm moved in they've begun to give me things. It's like every time I see them they have something new to give me. Last time it was a toaster, socks, and Happy Buddha. Happy Buddha is a wooden Buddha figure that my grandmother got in Taiwan when my mom was about four. He's got the most wonderful look on his face, and his arms are raised high in the air for joy. I told my mom when I was there last that I wanted to inherit him, so she shouldn't get any thoughts about giving him away prematurely. And then she just gave him to me! I was so happy (and so was Buddha). Time before that, my dad gave me a nice knife (the type for opening boxes or going camping), and my mom gave me a beautiful felted purse that she'd made and these wonderful black boots that I'd envied in Dillards before they went on sale. It's almost like these people love me or something. I think I'm going to sleep there tonight, because I'm really bad at being sick and alone. This is the problem with having a mother who is so excellent at (and enjoys, I believe) taking care of sick people. I realized yesterday that this is the first time I have had no one to take care of me while sick, and I can't deal with it. I just get to feeling way too sorry for myself. And comfort food isn't nearly as comforting when you have to make it yourself. So I'm going to my parents' house tonight, I think. My mom suggested it for last night, but I didn't because I didn't know at the time that I was as sick as I am. It's hard for Ross to take care of me from San Francisco, so I'm going to my parents' house. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Last Saturday morning I woke up, went to work, and quit my job impulsively. Seems like I'm in the habit of messing up everyone's plans with my emotional crises. But seriously, it was an awful job. I don't work well in high-paced atmospheres. I always say that people don't have to wait to be happy, and that morning I realized that that was just what I was doing. So I quit. The problem is that today I have to go in and pick up my paycheck, which will be awkward because they're mad at me. I hope they give it to me.
The other day I was sitting around my apartment all day being lazy, and I didn't do anything that I should've (except a few dishes). I got to feeling really sad, plus I was nauseated because I hadn't drunk any water all day and hadn't eaten anything but a granola bar. Ross came here after classes and he was feeling the same way. But then a thought occured to me, and I explained to him (after a long time of us just being really tense and easily aggravated, of course) that I'd done extensive livejournal study that day (by which I mean I read a ton of my lj archives), and it turns out that I'm pretty much always on the edge of some big emotional breakdown. Seriously, like every other post was about how I had suddenly become withdrawn, was inconsolably lonely, or really just couldn't take it anymore. This may seem like a negative revalation, but I don't think so, because every other post was about how delighted and overjoyed I was. And I decided that it's just the way I operate. Sometimes I'm depressed for no reason, and that's how it is. But it always passes, and there's always a good spell afterwards. Of course, during the good times you know that there will be bad ones, but somehow that's okay, and right. And then it was like the knowledge that it would pass itself made it pass, and we were happy.
Yesterday it occured to me that I know what to do to make myself happy (on a day-to-day basis), but I'm usually just too lazy to do it (because it involves cleaning and exercise, generally). I also had the thought that it's much easier to be a put-together person if you already are one, so if you're not then you just have to start the cycle somewhere. With these thoughts in mind, I did many productive things yesterday. I began to learn Dutch, I did all the dishes (doesn't sound like a great feat unless you know how many dishes were here. This took me about two hours.), I listened to a lot of "Civil Disobedience" online, I took out the trash, and did other general cleaning. And I was right, I felt a lot better. So I plan to do the rest of the cleaning today.
I had the strangest, most vivid dreams last night. One of them was like there was a draft sort of, except it wasn't to be in the army, but just to be a police officer of some sort. But I was so against it that I decided I wouldn't go, and I'd just let them take me to prison. It was weird, though, because it was all so real feeling. I felt just like I would if I had to make that sort of descision in real life. I had conversations with people trying to convince me to just go with it, and tons of stuff happened, but I wouldn't do it. It was really scary, though. This had a lot to do with listening to Civil Disobedience.
Ross is going out of town the first five days of spring break, which is sad. I know that this doens't sound like a lot to those of you whose people live far away, but it's the longest we'll not have seen each other since we met. In the mean time, if you're reading this, chances are I want to hang out with you! | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Not So Sweet Martha Lorraine - Country Joe & the Fish | | Current Location: | my apartment | | Time: | 02:40 pm | | Current Mood: |  sleepy |
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| Hannah and John are coming over tonight with some friends (whom I know). I'm afraid I've become that friend with an apartment. You know? Oh well.
( I would reccomend this product highly. )
I've been walking/jogging (wogging) a little bit recently, and it's really nice. It's hard to get off the couch, but after that I find it really rewarding. It's beautiful out, and there are so many cool houses and trees and children to see around here. That's the kind of exercising that I need - the kind that keeps me amused and engaged. That's why I could never get into treadmills - you're always staring at the same thing.
I think I've been getting better at not getting overwhelmed at work. It used to be that when we'd get really busy I'd get all overwhelmed and angry, but it's been better recently. Of course, I say that when it's not a weekend, but we'll see how tonight and tomorrow go. It's a sort of boring job otherwise, but it's better than lots of other jobs I've done. Besides, I don't believe in the concept of overqualification. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| The saga of Libby and her couch:
The doorway into the living room of my apartment is only about two feet wide, and so I had a lot of trouble finding a couch that I could bring into the room without knocking out a wall. Finally I ended up buying a futon for seventy dollars, because we figured it was the only thing that could fit. What we didn't plan on, once we'd lugged it up the stairs, was that that doorway was not the problem - it was the door to get inside the apartment, and the entryway area. Because you have to go through the narrow doorway and take an immediate left to avoid walking right into the bathroom door, even the futon would not fit. Then it sat outside my door on the landing for about two weeks as I procrastinated taking it apart. But finally yesterday we decided to do that before anything else, and it wasn't actually as hard as we thought. And now I have a couch! And a bed, because it's a futon!! I realize that this explanation was much longer than anyone wanted to read, but I had to give it in order to let you understand fully and share in the joy that this couch brings. On the down side, however, it makes the distinction between the couch/bed and the floor much more dramatic, which makes it a lot easier to see all the clutter on the floor.
Recently (just within the past week or so) I've found it impossible to look nice. It's not that I don't try (except sort of it is), it just doesn't work. I do the same things that I used to do, and it used to end up with me looking nice, relatively, but now it doesn't. I don't know how this works. I may try taking a shower.
I had/have a lot of time this afternoon (and actually all of yesterday) to do cleaning and things, but I find it really hard. Mostly I think because I am really bored with my desires. All my motivations are worn out, it seems. This is because I've been using them so long. It seems like no matter what I do, it's motivated by the same handful of things: feeling nice (somewhat clean, healthy, put-together, domestic), having someone to love, being well-fed, becoming self-reliant, gaining knowledge and wisdom, having fun, feeling good. Things like that. It is getting harder and harder to motivate myself with any of these things anymore, because I've used them so long. Not that I don't want these things anymore, but it's hard to be motivated by them to get up off this nice couch. I need some new motivations. But this seems a little off, still. Like I'm forgetting something. I wish I knew what it was, because I should really clean some stuff. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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georgianadarcy's journal
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